Parents: Holding Family Meetings Keeps You Sane During Coronavirus
Holding family meetings makes your family effective during tough times
Parenting is an ongoing balancing act even during the best of times. But now, thanks to Coronavirus, we are experiencing an unusually high amount of fear, loss, and anxiety. And, because each of us processes and reacts to stress in our own unique way, our families can swing on a pendulum of highs to lows each and every day.
The Coronavirus crisis has led to unexpected opportunities for new forms of social connection making. Virtual hangouts, social distancing, mask-wearing, and acts of selfless service are displays of humanity rising to its collective best. But, let’s be real, the impact of Coronavirus – and what it can teach us – can also trigger the worst in us.
Now several weeks into this new normal, let’s check in with ourselves: How are our families doing and how are we doing in our families?
Coronavirus challenges even the most stable families. Time to assess how yours is doing.
Our family’s effectiveness – and our parental effectiveness in our family – depends upon these eight attributes:
- Our shared purpose and norms.
- Working together interdependently
- Accountability and responsibility.
- Clear guidelines and role definitions.
- A trusting atmosphere conducive to conflict resolution.
- Respect for individual differences and opinions.
- Willingness for problem-solving and decision-making.
- Continual supportive feedback.
In what areas is your family’s effectiveness working and where does it need adjustment at this time?
Emotions can run high. Especially during Coronavirus.
Sheltering in place, loss of structure, change in roles and responsibilities, and a massive influx of life stressors create a perfect emotional storm. Sudden angry outbursts, prolonged silent treatments, and selfish demands are just some of the ways emotions can run high. Under stress, we often revert to our first learned stress response from our childhood.
What are you experiencing in your family? In yourself? If you see a need in your family for greater balance and regulation, then it could be time to use a tool that will invite calmer weather under your roof and reestablish family effectiveness during Coronavirus: The Family Meeting.
Family meetings are simple and effective.
Effectively family meetings follow a predictable structure that communicate to our children that we all have value and worth and are part of a team with supportive safety net. This forum is also a great training ground for collaboration, negotiation, and decision-making, which are especially important when we’re cooped-up in close quarters with each other during our sheltering-in-place.
When parents implement family meetings, several key messages that foster grit and resilience in our family unit and in each family member are reinforced:
- There is a dependable hierarchy and structure to our family;
- Everyone in our family has a voice, and all opinions and feelings matter;
- Individual and collective needs matter;
- You won’t always get what you want, but you might get some of what you want;
- We are part of a team.
Follow these Do’s and Don’ts for your next family meeting.
DO:
- Explicitly communicate your intention and plan to your parenting partner to get aligned around the idea;
- Present the meeting as an opportunity to your children;
- Cooperate on setting a mutual day/time;
- Invite ideas for the agenda and topics;
- Agree upon communication ground rules;
- Establish a start and end time;
- Hold the meeting even if a family member protests attendance;
- Design a consistent opening and closing ritual for the meetings.
DON’T:
- Unilaterally determine agenda, topics, day, or time. Family meetings need collaborators, not bosses.
- Take it personally if a family member doesn’t participate. Their resistance might melt after they see the positive impact of the meetings on the family.
- Undermine your parenting partner by showing up to the family meeting distracted or disengaged. Falling asleep or looking at our phones are not signs of unity.
- Allow the family meeting structure, tone, or communication to become derailed. Maintain the boundaries even if it means ending a meeting early. Regroup next time with an agenda item of What Works/What Doesn’t.
Adopting an all-hands-on-deck practice in our family is especially grounding during these times of uncertainty and stress. It is an effective way to implement dependable structure and expectations. We need these things now, more than ever.
Family meetings won’t eradicate all our stress responses to Coronavirus, but they are a way to unite us with those whom we love most. Family meetings can serve as a calming reminder that we are all in this together.
Click here for your free Family Meeting Template.